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元旦小品台词

发布时间:2014-12-08 07:04:11 作者:小编 审核编辑:本站小编 点击:下载该Word文档收藏本文

目录

正文

第一篇:元旦小品台词

小品台词《假行家》

全不懂,贾行家出场,

全不懂:大家好,我姓全,叫全不懂,我可有才了!这是我师傅!他比我还有才! 假:我姓假,叫假行家!我是一个假行家,本事就是大,我要开间药铺子,狠劲把钱抓!发财了,发财了!

全不懂:师傅啊!,你说咱们开药铺能赚到钱吗?我可啥也不懂呀!

假:怕啥的列,师傅不是给你喷了,三百六十行,还没有哪一行我不行了! 全不懂:还是你有才呀!

(小伙计唱着歌上台):流浪的人在外想念你,亲爱的妈妈,流浪的脚步走遍天涯,没有一个家,冬天的风呀夹着雪花,把我的泪吹下!出来打工好几年了,在外面混口饭吃不容易呀,这不一家药铺刚开张,我去给人家当小伙计,老板还行!

小伙计:掌柜的,外面有位皮匠师傅来给咱们贺喜来了。

陈师傅:老板好,我是皮匠老陈,一直在咱们药铺门口做活计,这不听说换了新

掌柜的了,特来贺喜!

假、全不懂:多谢,以后相互照顾啊!

(陈皮匠下)

小伙计:掌柜的,有客人来了!

顾客一:掌柜的,要一块钱银朱!

贾全不懂,议论,

假:(从兜里掏出一大铁球)给你,这可是真银,祖传的。

顾客一欢欢喜喜离开,

小伙计:掌柜的,又有客人来了!

顾客二:掌柜的,我要两块钱白芨!

假全不懂疑惑,议论

假:(给小伙计招手)快去,把咱家后院的鸡笼子里那只白公鸡捉来! 小伙计快速把鸡捉来,送给顾客

小伙计:掌柜的,又有客人来了!

顾客三:掌柜的,我要两块钱附子!

假全不懂吃惊,假很快平静下来,

假:徒弟呀,人家要父子呢!你媳妇儿不是抱着你儿子来了吗? 全不懂:别呀,师傅我那儿子才刚满月!

假:那你说咋办?人家等着要父子呢!

全不懂:(垂头丧气回到家,)

全夫人:(抱着孩子,哄睡觉,看见全不懂生气)你只顾忙生意,还要不要这个家了?呀!孩子尿了,快去换尿布去!

全不懂:换啥尿布呀,我们爷俩被卖了!

全夫人:咋回事!

全不懂说明经过

全夫人:(大哭大骂)你个缺心眼儿的!你连儿子都舍得卖呀!哎呀哎!我的个天呀!儿啊!你爹要买你呀!(悲伤的唱)亲亲的我的宝贝,你爹要拿你卖钱!夺走了我心中太阳,失去了我梦中的月亮。

全不懂:(深情的唱)你总是心太软,心太软,把所有问题都自己扛,相爱总是简单,分手太难,不是你的就别再勉强!

全夫人:(朗诵诗歌)儿啊!轻轻地我走了,正如我轻轻地来,我招一招手,作别西天的云彩。

全不懂:(双手接过孩子,唱)你入学的新书包,有人他给你拿,你雨中的花折伞有人给你打,啊!无论你走多远,无论你在干啥,到什么时候都不能忘恁的妈! 小伙计:掌柜的有来客人来人。

顾客四:(天津话)掌柜的,我要两块钱砂仁!

假:你要的真有水平啊,那俩已经卖了,我们这儿就剩下仨人儿了! (屋内吵闹不止)

陈皮匠:我说你们这药铺怎么这么热闹呀?这是吵吵啥呢?

小伙计:他要买附子,他爷俩就卖了,他又要仨人,就剩下我们仨了,这不又要卖出去了。

(陈皮匠收拾东西就跑)

小伙计:陈师傅,你跑啥呀?

陈皮匠:我不跑行吗?一会儿要来个买陈皮的,你们把我也卖了!

第二篇:元旦小品台词

元旦小品台词

下午三点多钟,甲从实验室出来,到200#返校班车候车处排队等候回校班车。甲发现候车站牌上贴有一张通知。通知上写着"为激励大家充分利用在实验室的时间,做好科研工作,院研究生会决定对下午四点之前到此处候车返校的同学予以最严厉的打击。但是,有人会因此躲到站台下,四点以后才出来,此项决议可操作性不高。因此,研会决定:要

求每天排在第一位的同学上车后为大家高歌一曲......"云云。好范文版权所有甲揭下站牌上的通知看后,赶紧躲了起来。(趁着等待的无聊时期,甲拿出手机给大家念一些好玩的短信。)

此时,乙也来到候车处,看了通知以后,也躲到了站牌后面,与甲相遇,两人攀谈起来。

甲和乙攀谈之时,丙(男)和丁(女,和丙是一对男女朋友)来到了候车处。丙看到了通知,一筹莫展。丁发现了躲在站牌后的甲和乙。

甲,乙,丙三人争吵起来。丙说自己后面来的,乙是第一个,乙也说自己后面才来,甲才是真正的第一个,而甲说自己还没有排队,丙才是排队中的第一个......

丁出来说话,决定用智力题来一分高下。丁出的智力题老是偏着丙,让甲和乙很是郁闷。

最后,甲还是没办法,承认了自己是第一个,要为大家高歌一曲。

实验室老板来电话,甲需要加班,最后用一段dv献给大家。

道具:a4纸张若干,印有"200#返校班车",通知一分,内容如梗概所述,三轮车一辆,轻板子一块,上面写有"返校班车"

人物:

甲——男,单肩背包,厚重的棉衣,墨镜,帽子

乙——男,正装

丙——男,正装

丁——女,正装

站牌——男,个子高一点

班车司机——男

场景展开:

一个人扮演一个车站牌,身上前后贴有"200#候车处",上面贴有通知

站牌:大家好,其实我是一个演员,嘘...严肃点,严肃点,不许笑,我们这排节目呢,就是俗话说的跑龙套的,但是,不是死跑龙套的!

音乐一起(1')

甲背包,上场,随音乐起舞。

甲摆一超酷pose,此时手机铃声响。

音乐一停。

甲:谁啊,坏我好事,我的英雄梦还没做完呢。

面对观众:真是不好意思啊。

甲拿出手机翻看,甜蜜的笑:俺媳妇给俺发的。

甲拿手机边走边念:还是给大伙念念吧,狗熊每天上山锻炼身体,一天,王八也想上山,熊说,你把你的四条腿缩进去,我抓你上去。到了山顶,树上一只鸟看见了,狂笑不止:瞅你那熊样,还拿个翻盖的手机。

甲仔细打量了一下自己的手机,赶忙收起来。

走到站牌前。

看表。

甲:怎么还不到4点啊,从实验室出来就3点半了

甲看站牌,伸手揭通知。

站牌躲闪一会,终于还是被甲揭下来。

甲念通知:通知,为激励大家充分利用在实验室的时间——灌水呗——做好科研工作——打cs呢——院研究生会决定对下午四点之前到此处候车返校的同学予以最严厉的打击。——我的天哪,还是找个地方躲起来吧。

甲猫着腰,躲到了站牌身后,蹲下,探出头,对观众说:等四点钟俺再出来,看你怎么逮我,嘿嘿。

甲缩回站牌后,继续念通知:但是,有人会因此躲到站台下,四点以后才出来——

甲吓一跳,探出头面对观众:他怎么知道的?

甲缩回站牌后继续念:因此,此项决议可操作性不高。

甲松了口气,站起来,拍拍身上的土,作轻松状,面对观众:就是就是,说的没错。早点回家也没什么错撒。

甲斜靠在站牌上,站牌躲,甲摔跤。

甲终于靠着站台,继续念:因此,研会决定:要求每天排在第一位的同学上车后为大家高歌一曲。

甲发呆,笑"呵呵,呵呵,高歌一曲,这不是扯的么!"

站牌将通知抢回,贴回自身处

甲:我还是躲起来吧。

甲转入站牌身后,伴奏手机铃响

甲露头对观众说:又来一条短信

甲打开手机:新年将至,请编辑短信"我要请你吃饭"回复到13810612370,您将获得与曹利面对面吃饭并得到院嫂亲笔签名照片的机会。

甲:嘘......有人来了

甲钻到站牌后面

站牌:人心散了,队伍不好排了

(此时,甲蹲在站牌后面,不动,不出声)

音乐二起

乙拎包,上场,诗朗诵。

对潇潇暮雨洒江天,一番洗清秋,渐霜风凄紧,关河冷落,残照当楼。是处红衰翠减,苒苒物华休,唯有长江水,无语东流。遥想公谨当年,小乔初嫁了,这次地,怎一个愁字了得!

音乐二停,乙顿一下

坐得腰生疼

吃的直反胃

脑袋直迷糊

瞅啥啥不

整了这半拉天科研

搞到头终于明白了

科研是什么哈玩意

答,科研就是招罪

乙:不好意思,串词儿了,呵呵

乙环视一圈,看表

乙:哟和,这不3点60了么,怎么还没人那,嘿嘿,今天终于排上第一了。

乙看见站牌通知:通知?

乙看通知

乙:

不会吧,咳咳,就我这嗓门,得唱歌,还不听了夜里做噩梦那,不行,得找个地儿躲起来。

乙躲到站牌后,与甲相遇。

站牌挪开一个位置。

甲乙都作吃惊状

甲:天王盖地虎,来者是何人?

乙:宝塔震蛇妖,我是冯小刚!

甲:呦,冯导啊,新的贺岁片拍不错啊

乙:哪里哪里,就是华仔的配音糙了点

甲:总比张艺谋强

乙:张艺谋那孙子,其实也不赖

站牌:最烦他们这些躲躲藏藏的,一点技术含量都没有!

音乐三起

甲,乙:嘘~~~~有人来了

甲乙躲到站牌后面

丙,丁上场(模仿《夫妻双双把家还》舞蹈动作)

音乐三停

丙:今天好奇怪,都四点多了怎么还没人?

丁:对啊

丙看站牌通知

丙:不会吧,这样都行。

丁上前看

丁:难道先来的躲起来了?

丁四处搜寻,发现了甲,乙

丁:好啊,你们敢躲起来!

丙:出来!

甲,乙猫着腰出来

丙对乙:你是第一个吧?

乙指着甲:不是,我来的时候他就在!

甲对丙:我,我,我还没开始排队呢,你已经排队了,你才是第一个!

丙:你是第一好范文版权所有

甲:你是第一

丙:你是第一

甲:你是第一

......

丁:好啦,好啦,别吵了。这样吧,你们三个人比试比试,谁输了谁排第一。

甲,乙,丙同意

丁:给你们出一道智力题吧。请丙做好答题准备。请问,天上有几颗太阳?

丙:一颗

丁:恭喜你,答对了

甲乙同声:这也太容易了

丁转向乙:请乙做好答题准备。请问,天上有几颗月亮?

乙:一颗

丁:确定么?

乙:确定

丁:再问一遍,确定么?

乙不敢回答,回头看了一下甲,甲点点头

乙:确定

丁:恭喜你,答对了

乙作兴奋状,甲作鄙视状,77777777,这个也太容易了

丁:请甲做好答题准备。请问,天上有几颗星星?

甲瞠目结舌:啊......这个,牛郎星,织女星,周星星,眼冒金星,数不清了......

甲两眼翻白

甲:不行不行,这个题不是忽悠我么,重来,重来!

站牌举牌"b4"

丁:那好,就再来一次。(还是从丙开始)丙听题,请问,大米的米中,米的妈妈是谁?

丙思索一会:花,因为,花生米

丁:恭喜你,答对了

丁转向乙:请问,那么米的爸爸是谁?

乙:蝴蝶

甲捂嘴笑

丁:为什么

乙:因为蝶恋花

丁:恭喜你,回答正确。

丁转向甲:请问米的外婆又是谁?

甲再次瞠目结舌

丙:真笨,当然是妙笔了,因为妙笔生花

甲耍赖:给我的都什么题啊,不行不行,再来一次。

站牌举牌子"rpwt"

丁:这样吧,既然甲不服输,那我们再来一个抢答题,请听题:200#有个百仙洞,请问,这个百仙洞里住了几个神仙?

甲第一个举手,丁示意甲回答。

甲:哈哈,这个容易,百仙洞嘛,自然是100个神仙了,o,yeah!(作一个o,yeah的动作)

丁:非常抱歉,你答错了。答案是,那里面只有神仙的雕像,没有神仙。

甲转向观众:你,你,你们不会使我的冤家派来玩我的吧。

站牌:出来混的,迟早是要还的

甲:哎,看来今天在劫难逃了。既然这样,我只好给大家吼两句了。

乙,丙,丁拍手叫好。

音乐四响起

甲唱歌:我们走在大路上

乙,丙,丁合:意气风发,毛主席领导革命队伍,披荆斩棘奔向前方

班车上,甲,乙,丙,丁顺次跟在班车司机后,边走边唱:向前进!向前进!朝着胜利的方向!

甲,乙,丙,丁跟着班车下场,并喊:"死跑龙套的,该下啦!"

站牌:"我很严肃的告诉大家,老王很生气,后果很严重"追打甲乙丙,下。

第三篇:元旦小品台词

元旦小品台词

下午三点多钟,甲从实验室出来,到200#返校班车候车处排队等候回校班车。甲发现候车站牌上贴有一张通知。通知上写着"为激励大家充分利用在实验室的时间,做好科研工作,院研究生会决定对下午四点之前到此处候车返校的同学予以最严厉的打击。但是,有人会因此躲到站台下,四点以后才出来,此项决议可操作性不高。因此,研会决定:要求每天排在第一位的同学上车后为大家高歌一曲......"云云。好范文版权所有甲揭下站牌上的通知看后,赶紧躲了起来。(趁着等待的无聊时期,甲拿出手机给大家念一些好玩的短信。)

此时,乙也来到候车处,看了通知以后,也躲到了站牌后面,与甲相遇,两人攀谈起来。

甲和乙攀谈之时,丙(男)和丁(女,和丙是一对男女朋友)来到了候车处。丙看到了通知,一筹莫展。丁发现了躲在站牌后的甲和乙。

甲,乙,丙三人争吵起来。丙说自己后面来的,乙是第一个,乙也说自己后面才来,甲才是真正的第一个,而甲说自己还没有排队,丙才是排队中的第一个......

丁出来说话,决定用智力题来一分高下。丁出的智力题老是偏着丙,让甲和乙很是郁闷。

最后,甲还是没办法,承认了自己是第一个,要为大家高歌一曲。

实验室老板来电话,甲需要加班,最后用一段dv献给大家。

道具:a4纸张若干,印有"200#返校班车",通知一分,内容如梗概所述,三轮车一辆,轻板子一块,上面写有"返校班车"

人物:

甲——男,单肩背包,厚重的棉衣,墨镜,帽子

乙——男,正装

丙——男,正装

丁——女,正装

站牌——男,个子高一点

班车司机——男

场景展开:

一个人扮演一个车站牌,身上前后贴有"200#候车处",上面贴有通知

站牌:大家好,其实我是一个演员,嘘...严肃点,严肃点,不许笑,我们这排节目呢,就是俗话说的跑龙套的,但是,不是死跑龙套的!

音乐一起(1')

甲背包,上场,随音乐起舞。

甲摆一超酷pose,此时手机铃声响。

音乐一停。

甲:谁啊,坏我好事,我的英雄梦还没做完呢。

面对观众:真是不好意思啊。

甲拿出手机翻看,甜蜜的笑:俺媳妇给俺发的。

甲拿手机边走边念:还是给大伙念念吧,狗熊每天上山锻炼身体,一天,王八也想上山,熊说,你把你的四条腿缩进去,我抓你上去。到了山顶,树上一只鸟看见了,狂笑不止:瞅你那熊样,还拿个翻盖的手机。

甲仔细打量了一下自己的手机,赶忙收起来。

走到站牌前。

看表。

甲:怎么还不到4点啊,从实验室出来就3点半了

甲看站牌,伸手揭通知。

站牌躲闪一会,终于还是被甲揭下来。

甲念通知:通知,为激励大家充分利用在实验室的时间——灌水呗——做好科研工作——打cs呢——院研究生会决定对下午四点之前到此处候车返校的同学予以最严厉的打击。——我的天哪,还是找个地方躲起来吧。

甲猫着腰,躲到了站牌身后,蹲下,探出头,对观众说:等四点钟俺再出来,看你怎么逮我,嘿嘿。

甲缩回站牌后,继续念通知:但是,有人会因此躲到站台下,四点以后才出来——

甲吓一跳,探出头面对观众:他怎么知道的?

甲缩回站牌后继续念:因此,此项决议可操作性不高。

甲松了口气,站起来,拍拍身上的土,作轻松状,面对观众:就是就是,说的没错。早点回家也没什么错撒。

甲斜靠在站牌上,站牌躲,甲摔跤。

甲终于靠着站台,继续念:因此,研会决定:要求每天排在第一位的同学上车后为大家高歌一曲。

甲发呆,笑"呵呵,呵呵,高歌一曲,这不是扯的么!"

站牌将通知抢回,贴回自身处

甲:我还是躲起来吧。

甲转入站牌身后,伴奏手机铃响

甲露头对观众说:又来一条短信

甲打开手机:新年将至,请编辑短信"我要请你吃饭"回复到13810612370,您将获得与曹利面对面吃饭并得到院嫂亲笔签名照片的机会。

甲:嘘......有人来了

甲钻到站牌后面

站牌:人心散了,队伍不好排了

(此时,甲蹲在站牌后面,不动,不出声)

音乐二起

乙拎包,上场,诗朗诵。

对潇潇暮雨洒江天,一番洗清秋,渐霜风凄紧,关河冷落,残照当楼。是处红衰翠减,苒苒物华休,唯有长江水,无语东流。遥想公谨当年,小乔初嫁了,这次地,怎一个愁字了得!

音乐二停,乙顿一下

坐得腰生疼

吃的直反胃

脑袋直迷糊

瞅啥啥

第四篇:中学校园元旦晚会小品台词

中学校园元旦晚会小品台词(非常适合表演又搞笑的小品稿) 人物:主持人(以下简称:主):

正方辩手两名(以下分别简称为正1、正2):

反方辩手两名(以下分别简称为反1、反2):

主:现场和电视机前的观众朋友们,大家晚上好!(鞠躬) 现在我们即将举行的是黄沙中学杯辩论赛决赛。我是今天的主持人阿列。。。。。本次辩论赛喵牛牌学生奶主办,由妈妈我还要喝系列酸奶承办,由喝你个大头鬼大头鬼系列酸奶提供全程赞助支持。选择学生奶,选择健康人生。下面有请双方辩手入场。主:今天,正方辩题是笑比哭好;反方的辩题是哭比笑好。下面我宣布此次辩论赛现在开始。(停顿2秒) 喝妈妈我还要喝系列酸奶,谁喝谁明白。下面有请正方一辩作立论陈词,时间是一分钟,有请!

正1:谢谢主席。我方认为笑比哭好,原因有三,第一:笑是美的代名词,从古至今每当提到历史中的美女,书中写的都是嫣然回眸、莞尔一笑,我想这个道理我就不用多说了,就像北极绒保暖内衣说的那样,叫什么来着?(看正2)正2:谁穿谁精神。

正1:不是这句,你猪头哇。是地球人都知道呀!

正2:你知道你还问我,这人..切..

正1:选择了笑就选择了美丽,我选择我喜欢。

正2(将鞋放在桌子上,说道):安踏

正1:第二:笑可以增添我们生活中的乐趣,使生活变得多彩多姿,只要有了笑你就可以发现,原来生活可以更美的;

正2:美的空调

正1:第三:笑可以缩短人与人之间的距离,使大家和睦相处,礼貌待人,国泰民安,世界和平,宇宙太平。由此可见,笑要比哭好。谢谢大家!主:感谢正方一辩的精彩发言。选择喝你个大头鬼大头鬼系列酸奶,选择健康每一天。下面有请反方一辩作立论陈词,时间也是一分钟。有请

反1:谢谢主席。对方大辩刚才作了非常精彩的发言,可我方对对方的某些观点不敢苟同。我方认为,笑再怎么好也不如哭好。就像新飞广告做的好不如新飞冰箱好。首先,哭是发泄郁闷最重要的方式,我们听说有人闷闷不乐,有人郁郁而终,甚至还听说有人打麻将摸个大胡笑死的,所以,喜不应该狂笑,而悲就需要痛哭。再一个,哭能强身健体、美容养颜,难言之隐,一哭了之。研究表明,哭可以牵动两百多块面部肌肉,俗话说生命在于运动,多哭一哭,还可以让您变得更年轻,真正做到白里透红、与众不同。

反2:这没事哭一哭啊,还真管用,这腰不酸了,背不疼了,腿脚不抽筋了,辩论也有劲了!

反1:综上所述,综上所述,综上所述,哭确确实实要比笑好。谢谢大家!主: 感谢双方的精彩发言。选择移动商街,选择掌中购物乐趣。现场和电视机前的观众朋友可以拿起你的手机发短信到916068参与到我们的节目中来,并有机会获得我们准备的精美礼品,礼品二选一:由白洋淀健康鸭蛋提供的黑心鸭蛋一个,白洋淀鸭蛋,鸭蛋中的战斗蛋!由你的孩子缺心少肺吗?葡萄糖酸心口服

液提供的酸心酸肺口服液一瓶,酸心酸肺的保护,比谁都周到。奖品数量有限,先到先得。

支持正方请发送短信"笑笑哭哭"到91606812345,支持反方请发送短信"哭哭笑笑"到91606854321,精美礼品等你来拿。选择移动商务,给你好听有你好看。下面进入自由辩论,双方各有五分钟时间,有请正方首先发言。

正1:我方刚才已经说了,笑是美的代名词,难道对方辩友对这个世人皆知的观点还有什么疑惑吗?

反2:那么请问对方辩友何以证明这一观点呢?

正1:那还用的着我说?有那么多成语和典故描写,像美丽的笑,嫣然一笑,笑不露齿,哈哈大笑。。。

反1:还有笑掉大牙是吧!观众朋友们呢,可千万要看好你们的大牙啊,一定不要笑掉了!您看我,牙好,嘿,胃口就好,身体倍儿棒,吃嘛嘛香。您瞅准喽,蓝天六必治。

正2:对方辩友也不要高兴得太早,咱们再来看看形容哭的有什么好一点的词吗?哭爹喊娘,鬼哭狼嚎。

反2:鬼哭狼嚎怎么了?我们这叫与狼共舞,尽显男人本色。

反1:七匹狼西服,男人的选择

主: 哎,你们两家注意一下,这都是哪跟哪呀,什么乱七八糟的。下面插播一条中奖信息,恭喜手机尾号为110119的朋友获得本期节目首个特等大奖,奖品是北京野生动物园一日游,(括弧)门票自付,来回车票自付,早中晚三餐自付,恭喜这位获奖的朋友。选择移动商街,选择美丽生活。(2秒停顿)一般人我不告诉他,好,比赛继续。

正1:我方认为笑比哭好是有着丰富的论据支持的,比如说吧,我要给对方辩友送礼,我得双手捧礼,满脸堆笑着说:请您笑纳?

反2:哎,今年过节不收礼,

反1:收礼只收搓澡巾。

正1:别打岔。笑是人们生活中不可缺少的成分,再给对方辩友打个比方,对方辩友吃过红烧肉吧,红烧肉里头能够没有酱油吗?

反2:我要提醒对方辩友的是:你这个问题和本场辩论赛毫无关系,所以虽然我

很喜欢吃也不能告诉你。但我可以明确回答你的是,做红烧肉完全可以没有酱油。正1:没有酱油的红烧肉怎么还能称之为红烧肉呢?

反2:哎,对方辩友显然对红烧肉造诣不深,没有酱油怎么了?(天天美食语调)我们可以把糖盐淀粉酸枣混合加二两,放入花椒3克,胡椒粉3克,葱1根,姜1块,料酒10毫升,香菜少许,油60克,葱姜蒜剁碎,250克胫骨肉放在锅里蒸一下。(做动作)

反1:哇!降龙十八蒸~

反2:好了,起锅,

反1:吃前摇一摇,味道好极了!

正1:大家听听,大家听听。我的天呢!对方辩友居然把红烧肉和粉蒸肉混为一谈了。

反1:粉、粉蒸肉怎么了?

(反1打反2的胳膊,求援)

反2:恩、恩,是啊,粉,粉蒸肉怎么了?粉蒸肉也好吃啊!

反1:对,粉蒸肉也很好吃,你们没吃过吗?

主: 肉好吃,素菜也要多吃 ,这样营养才能均衡,但注意不管吃什么一定要洗干净再吃,洗洗更健康!

正1:笑是成功者的象征,成功者都是笑到最后的银 (人)。

反1:对方辩友注意听,周幽王只为博得美女一笑,烽火戏诸侯,终成亡国之君;

反2:是啊,曹孟德败走华戎,三声大笑引来赵关张三路兵马,多亏痛哭才赢得关羽同情,放他一条生路。所以哭才是最好的。

正1: 对方辩友不要忘了,没有最好只有更好!

正2: 澳柯玛

反1:到了关键的时候哭就是要比笑好,

正1:但是有了笑就有的自信,有了自信就有了阳光,有了阳光就有了让一亿家庭用上太阳能啊。

正2:亿加能太阳能热水器

反2:这也有缺点啊,因为凡事都有两面性啊,这就像白加黑治感冒,白天吃白片不精神,晚上吃黑片,睡不着。

正1:我请大家想想,每天早上我们第一次见到对方,总是微笑着说:“胃,你好吗...”

正2:斯达舒胶囊

反1:这样说吧,大家都知道喜极而泣、乐极生悲,可见笑的两个极(更多文章请关注www.aoxiaoming.com)端都是哭,这又做何解释?

(正1和正2同时站起来,看到对方站起来了,又同时坐下。)

正1对正2:你说吧。

正2对正1:凭什么让我说,你站起来你不说?

正1对正2:你也站起来了呀,你怎么不说?

正2对正1:你以后不说就别站起来。

正1对正2:我现在不站起来,你说呀。

正2对正1:我要知道说什么还用得着和你废话?

反1:对来对方辩友是黔驴技穷了。孟姜女望夫是哭倒了长城,传为千古佳话,可就是没听说过长城被人笑倒过!这难道还不叫有说服力吗?正2:这叫有什么说服力呀,孟姜女哭倒长城你看见了?

反1:我是没看着。哎,我没看着你看着了?

正2:你没看着你在这瞎扯啥?

反1:没看着就不兴瞎扯啦?

正1:哎哎,对方辩友,我跟你说,你猪肉吃多了吧,要变猪了吧。

主: 肃静肃静!长城永不倒,国货当自强。正方辩友注意了,人家长的像也不能乱说呀。我也没看到孟大姐哭倒长城。算了吧,这个问题我们就不追究了 。主:好,时间到,请双方停止发言。今天的比赛到此结束,现在我来总结一下比赛:今天的辩论赛在祥和的气氛中进行,双方辩手都友好而且有力地阐明了自己的观点,真是婆说婆有理,公说公有理,婆说公有理,公说婆有理。双方旗鼓相当,难分伯仲叔齐。选择学生奶,选择健康人生。我们的短信投票统计正在紧张的进行,目前的情况是,正方选手以0比0暂时领先0分,恭喜正方辩手。在以后的节目中我们将公布本次辩论赛的最终冠军得主。下面有请选手们每人说一句比赛感言并退场。

反二:我也要提醒对方辩友,笑也具有杀伤力呀!不要忘记气死兀术,笑死牛皋,同时也要小心哈哈大笑之时。不要笑掉大牙、笑掉下巴、笑破肚皮呀! (掌声)正二:可笑却是魁力无限,杨贵妃“回眸一笑百媚生,六宫粉黛无颜色”呀!(叫好声,掌声一片)

反一:对方辩友怎么不接着说下去呢,接下去则是,,君王从此不早朝”呀!,褒似一笑毁天下,一骑红尘妃子笑,无人知是荔枝来,这可都是笑的恶果呀!正一:然而唐伯虎的三笑姻缘,,不也成就了一段人间晓吗,(掌声)而宝黛的爱情悲剧可是哭出来的呀!对方辩友还能说笑比哭好吗?

主席:而苦笑,好笑。阴笑,狞笑,淫笑不也是笑吗?你们还能认为笑比哭好吗? (笑声,掌声一片)

正二:笑就是比哭好嘛,如果哭比笑好,为什么不在礼堂里放两枚催泪弹,让我们的观众抹着眼泪,擦着鼻涕看我们辩论呢,(笑声,掌声)在逗小孩时,我们总说笑一笑, 而不会说哭一哭,哭一哭呀!(掌声大起)

(主持人吹响喇叭)

主:时间到,双方停止发言。现在我来总结今天的比赛:今天的辩论赛在祥和的气氛中进行,双方辩手都友好而且有力地阐明了自己的观点,真是婆说婆有理,公说公有理,双方旗鼓相当,难分伯仲。喝你个大头鬼大头鬼系列酸奶精彩每一天。稍后评委团将商议决定本次辩论赛的冠军,观众朋友们稍后再见!人呢?~~

第五篇:元旦小品《喊人》台词

标题《喊人》

表演人员:四人(三男一女)

角色:收破烂哥(较脏、破旧)、卖嘎嘎哥(老土)、帅哥、美女

人物表现:收破烂哥(呆板、喀木、容易上当),卖嘎嘎哥(小聪明)

帅哥(为美女显末相),美女(做作)

台词/场景:

收破烂哥:收破铜烂铁,废书纸壳子哟!(重复一遍)(慢慢走出场,表情显末相,背扎破袋里,边走边喊)这个小区还蛮太,住里哥么多人,今日生意怕会蛮好,嘿嘿,要塞力喊,多收发几。

卖嘎嘎哥(上场):卖嘎嘎,卖嘎嘎哟,正宗哥土鸡嘎嘎哟!哎呀,几工毛来宜春,到里宜春巷里,满斯都是高楼太厦,马路上查来查撤,女里几梅,玉丝满铁一扎扎,嘿嘿,猴得我口水波波跌。卖嘎嘎,卖嘎嘎,卖到啥嘛时候,张讨得起老婆到哟,还是我那几个老表好,到江特电机厂去上班撤里,几千块钱一个月。人家哇是一个蛮太个厂,上市公司哟,福利又好,过年过节又发东西又放假。等一下卖开嘎嘎,我也去报扎名。卖嘎嘎,卖嘎嘎。。。(走到收破烂哥边上喊,收破烂哥也喊,一起喊,比声音大)

收破烂哥(生气了):卖嘎嘎哥,你站开几喊,你哥叫鸭哥声总到我边上喊,我张子做生意啊。

卖嘎嘎哥:椰,哥来里是你屋里比啥,你喊得,我就喊不得,你咋么不到勒边去喊? 收破烂哥:椰,你还不走是吧?

卖嘎嘎哥:不走,我就要到哥里喊,到哥里卖嘎嘎。

(两个人到一起喊,挤到一起,收破烂哥,把子更太,挤到卖嘎嘎哥,卖嘎嘎哥推了收破烂哥一下)

收破烂哥:椰,你还打人哪?(准备去打卖嘎嘎哥,卖嘎嘎哥跑,收破烂哥勒,勒不到,累得喘气,卖嘎嘎哥得意洋洋。。。)

收破烂哥:一扎测样哥,跑得哥快。

卖嘎嘎哥:嘿,你不晓得我屋场里人喊我啥子吧?飞毛腿!还想勒到我?

收破烂哥:哎呀,勒又勒不到,喊又毛给声太,今日哥生意张几自哟,椰,要逼里样哥,买嘎嘎哥,我出发子钱给你,你到那边去卖好么?

卖嘎嘎哥:椰,出钱呀,出几多子钱哟?

(收破烂哥伸出五个手指来)

卖嘎嘎哥:五十?

收破烂哥:不是。

卖嘎嘎哥:五块呀?

收破烂哥:你把子钱有捡是吧?五角!

卖嘎嘎哥:五角?五角就想喊我走啊?没门!最少一块五!

收破烂哥:一块五?毛得,一块,你要梅就要,不要我去撇那里收破烂给。

卖嘎嘎哥:好好好。一块就一块,点现钱。(收到钱,一角一角哥给,一角一角哥收) 卖嘎嘎哥:借还好,嘎嘎一扎都毛卖,就捂到一块钱,走,去撇那里卖。(到处转,边喊) 帅哥(上场):甜甜,我想你,甜甜,我喜欢你,甜甜,我喜欢你一生一世!(对到楼上喊,重复一遍)

卖嘎嘎哥:(也转到哥里,喊)卖嘎嘎,卖嘎嘎,卖新鲜土鸡嘎嘎哟!(声音比帅哥太,帅哥喊,卖嘎嘎哥也喊)

帅哥:卖嘎嘎哥,你毛看得我在哥里喊人呐?你走开几喊,到撇那里去卖!

卖嘎嘎哥:椰,哥里就几你喊得,我喊不得啊?我偏要喊,卖嘎嘎,卖嘎嘎!

帅哥(边喊,又听到喊卖嘎嘎):卖嘎嘎哥,你走远几喊(假装要打人,卖嘎嘎哥边躲边喊,帅哥走过来,就躲远几,帅哥去勒,毛勒到)

帅哥:卖嘎嘎哥,跟你哇扎丝,我拉钱给你,你到撇那里去喊,好么?

卖嘎嘎哥:椰,借张几搞哥,走到来里都有人拿钱,嘿嘿,自得给。

帅哥:你要几多钱哦?

(卖嘎嘎哥伸出手来)

帅哥:五十啊?

卖嘎嘎哥:是啊。

帅哥:你还把子我是扎末气吧?你一蓝里嘎嘎都抵不得五十,哥样子,五块,拿五块钱去,你站远几去买嘎嘎!

卖嘎嘎哥:五块啊?特少里把,一口价,十块,十块我就走。

帅哥:好,十块就十块,拿钱快走。

卖嘎嘎哥(拿钱,拿到钱,笑得不得过)哇:该上人还真是有钱,一扎太把扇样!(钱到手,走人,边走边哇)勒扎收破烂哥一扎末气相,我撤扇得给呀来喊,钱一扎人一半,嘿嘿,借哥工钱就来里,走!(走到收破烂哥那里)收破烂哥,我跟你哇,我哪里有扎惨钱哥事,你撤自么?

收破烂哥:啥嘛斯哟?你有哥好?惨钱哥丝,你会喊我去?

卖嘎嘎哥:有哇,有哇,我里是商提该。

收破烂哥:还商提,张都拿开我一块钱。

卖嘎嘎哥:一块钱算啥子,我带你撤自扎司,十块钱,我俩一嘎五块,你还惨4块,自得把?

收破烂哥:这样子啊,五块钱,不少一分哈。

卖嘎嘎哥:不得少,不得少,走,去,我跟你哇,那里有扎太把扇在勒女里,你到勒里撤喊,收破烂,他就会拿十块钱给你,我里一嘎五块。

收破烂哥:我比哟,我陆块,你四块。

卖嘎嘎哥:自得,自得,走走走。

(到帅哥处)

帅哥:甜甜,我想你,甜甜,我爱你,甜甜,我爱你一生一世。

收破烂哥:收破铜烂铁,废书纸壳子哟(重复一遍)(走到帅哥边上喊)

帅哥:张几搞走一扎卖嘎嘎哥,又来一扎收破烂哥,要撤跟物业哇下自,啥嘛人都搞得进来,收破烂哥,你走开自撤收,我在哥里喊人,莫总吵!

收破烂哥:你喊得,我就喊比得是吧?我偏要喊,收破铜烂铁,废书纸壳子哟(大声重复一次)

帅哥:哎呀,你是个借罗里比是,哥样太哥商,你哥样喊,我还张几喊女里,快走,快走!

收破烂哥:比走,我就是在哥里收破烂,哥里住哥多人,生意好。

帅哥:哥样哥,我那几块钱给你,你到撇来里撤收,好么?

收破烂哥:自得该,拉几多子哟,少里我不得肯哈。

帅哥:十块,拉里球快走!

收破烂哥:椰,哥扎钱是好惨,一扎末气。(走到卖嘎嘎哥那里准备分钱)

美女出场对帅哥哇:哎呀,你扎嘛哥么扇哟,我在楼上都听到里,我知道你喜欢我,谭是那两扎人是合伙故意来扇你哥钱哥啊,还不快撤勒回来,帮我买枝花。

帅哥:各样各啊。(起身撤勒收破烂哥,喊)不要走,还得我各钱来!

(收破烂哥、卖嘎嘎哥跑。。。。。。收场)

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